As a parent, it can be tough to navigate your teen’s friendships and relationships. While some drama is normal, there are red flags that may signal deeper problems. Spotting these signs early can help you step in before things get out of hand and support your teen in building healthier relationships. Here are some red flags to watch for as well as signs of a healthy teenage relationship to help you tell the difference.
1. Constant Drama and Conflict
While disagreements happen in every relationship, if your teen’s friendships or romantic relationships are always filled with drama and conflict, it’s worth taking a closer look.
For example, if they constantly fight, make up, and fight again, it can be exhausting and emotionally draining for your teen. This back-and-forth can affect their mental health and stability. Healthy relationships are based on trust and understanding, not constant tension.
2. Emotional Manipulation
If your teen’s friend or partner seems to be controlling or manipulating their emotions, that’s a major red flag. While it’s common for teens to experience mood swings and heightened emotions due to their developmental stage, sometimes these emotions can lead to unintentionally manipulative behavior.
For example, a teen might guilt-trip someone or use emotional statements like “If you really cared about me, you’d do this” without fully realizing the impact of their words.
However, it’s important to know when this behavior becomes a problem. If your teen’s friend or partner consistently uses emotional tactics to get what they want, such as making your teen feel responsible for their feelings or saying things like “I’ll be so sad if you don’t help me with this,” it could signal an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
In these cases, it’s crucial to address the behavior and help your teen understand how to recognize and navigate manipulative relationships.
3. Isolation from Friends and Family
One of the biggest red flags in any relationship is isolation. If your teen is pulling away from their family or distancing themselves from close friends because of a relationship, it’s time to take notice.
For example, if they’re suddenly skipping family dinners or not hanging out with their best friends because their partner or friend doesn’t approve, it could be a sign of controlling behavior. Healthy relationships allow space for other important connections in a teen’s life.
4. Constant Criticism or Put-Downs
If your teen’s friend or romantic partner is constantly putting them down, it can severely affect their self-esteem. Criticism is normal in any relationship, but it should be constructive, not destructive.
If you hear your teen’s partner calling them names, belittling their appearance, or constantly criticizing their choices, it’s a sign of an unhealthy dynamic. Over time, this kind of behavior can lead to emotional damage.
5. Over-Dependency
A healthy relationship involves two people who are independent but also support each other. However, if your teen is overly dependent on their partner or friend for validation, attention, or decision-making, this could be a red flag.
For example, if they constantly ask for reassurance, feel lost without their partner, or have trouble making decisions on their own, it can indicate that they’re not developing the necessary independence for healthy relationships.
6. Lack of Respect for Boundaries
Boundaries are crucial in any relationship. If your teen’s partner or friend doesn’t respect their personal space, time, or limits, it’s a serious concern. For example, if their partner constantly texts or calls them, pressures them into doing things they’re uncomfortable with, or invades their privacy, it’s a sign that the relationship is not respecting their needs. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding of each other’s boundaries.
7. Jealousy or Possessiveness
Jealousy can creep into any relationship, but when it becomes possessiveness, it’s a red flag. If your teen’s partner or friend constantly questions where they are, who they’re with, or tells them who they can and can’t talk to, this shows unhealthy control.
For instance, if their partner gets upset when they hang out with other friends or accuses them of flirting with others, it’s a sign of possessiveness that can lead to bigger problems down the road.
8. Secretive Behavior
Teenagers will naturally have moments of privacy, but if your teen starts being overly secretive about their relationships, it might be a warning sign. If they suddenly start hiding texts, conversations, or social media activity, or if they refuse to talk about their relationship altogether, it’s a sign they might be dealing with something they don’t feel comfortable sharing. This kind of secrecy can be linked to unhealthy relationship dynamics, such as manipulation or abuse.
9. Risky Behavior
Sometimes, unhealthy relationships lead teens to take risks they wouldn’t normally take. If your teen is engaging in risky behavior like skipping school, using or abusing substances, or sneaking out to meet someone because of a relationship, it’s time to intervene. A partner or friend who encourages this behavior is not looking out for your teen’s best interests.
10. Feeling Drained or Unhappy
If your teen seems constantly drained, anxious, or unhappy after spending time with a friend or partner, it could be a sign that the relationship is having a negative impact on their well-being. For example, if they come home from hanging out with a friend and seem upset or stressed, it’s worth asking what’s going on. Healthy relationships should leave them feeling supported and happy, not emotionally exhausted or anxious.
Signs Your Teen is in a Healthy Relationship
As much as it’s important to recognize the red flags in your teen’s relationships, it’s also helpful to know what a healthy relationship looks like. Healthy relationships can provide valuable support and contribute positively to your teen’s emotional growth. Here are some signs that indicate your teen is in a healthy relationship:
1. Mutual Respect
In a healthy relationship, both parties respect each other’s opinions, boundaries, and differences. Your teen and their partner or friend should be able to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or ridicule.
For example, if they can disagree on something and still have a respectful conversation, it’s a strong sign that the relationship is built on mutual respect.
2. Open and Honest Communication
Good communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If your teen is able to openly share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of being shut down or dismissed, it shows trust and emotional safety.
A relationship where both people feel heard and understood is a sign of a positive connection. For instance, if your teen can talk about challenges they’re facing in the relationship and feel like their partner listens and responds thoughtfully, it’s a good sign.
3. Healthy Boundaries
In a healthy relationship, both people understand and respect each other’s boundaries—whether they’re emotional, physical, or digital. Your teen should feel comfortable setting limits, saying no, and taking space when they need it.
For example, if their partner respects their need for alone time, or if they’re able to say “no” without feeling guilty or pressured, it indicates a healthy dynamic where personal boundaries are valued.
4. Support and Encouragement
A positive relationship encourages both individuals to grow and pursue their goals. If your teen’s partner or friend is supportive of their interests, hobbies, and ambitions, it’s a sign of a healthy relationship.
For example, if their partner cheers them on in their academic achievements, extracurricular activities, or personal growth, it shows that the relationship is motivating and nurturing.
5. Fun and Enjoyment
Healthy relationships aren’t all about deep talks or serious issues—they should also be fun and bring joy to your teen’s life. If your teen enjoys spending time with their partner or friend, laughing, and having fun together, it’s a good sign that the relationship is balanced and positive. Whether it’s hanging out, going on adventures, or simply enjoying each other’s company, fun should be a big part of the relationship.
6. Trust and Dependability
Trust is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. If your teen and their partner or friend trust each other and follow through on promises, it shows a strong foundation. For example, if your teen feels confident that their friend or partner will be there when they need them, it’s a sign that the relationship is built on reliability and trust.
7. Independence and Balance
While spending time together is important, a healthy relationship also allows space for each person to maintain their individuality and independence. If your teen and their partner can enjoy time apart, pursue their own interests, and maintain friendships outside of the relationship, it shows a healthy balance.
For example, if your teen can hang out with their friends or pursue their own hobbies without feeling guilty or jealous, it’s a sign that the relationship is supportive of their independence.
Help Your Teen Develop Healthy Relationships
If you spot any of these red flags in your teens relationship with their friends or partner, it’s important to intervene as early as possible. Unhealthy habits can easily form without the right support, and there is no reason to put your teen at that risk if you can avoid it with the right help.
At Imagine by Northpoint, we specialize in treating adolescents between the ages of 12 and 18. Our teen relationship counseling will help your child understand how their relationships (platonic and romantic) impact them mentally and emotionally.
They’ll gain tools to spot these red flags themselves and learn skills to help them avoid unhealthy relationships and maintain healthy ones as young adults. Contact us today to learn more about our programs and set your teen up for success.
